Stream of Consciousness

Hi. I was just listening to "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. I clicked on a video of it because it was feature in a video of a friend. I have had actually bad days. And I've been having the most bad days so far in school. My grades are not that bad as last two years' but I feel kind of different--I feel that everyday is just a bad day; I feel I need to do more. I feel. I don't know what I even feel, to be honest. And I try, I do try. This afternoon we were watching a film about quantum physics in philosophy class, pertaining to Democritus' atomistic theory.I kinda feel that it was  a mistake taking that class because my goal of taking that class is to freely explore and express myself in a way that will make me different and encourage me to be different. I feel that I'm really a Cancer now, although I don't believe much in horoscopes yet I know a lot about them, because I feel--I don't think. In my journal entries, I often use "feel" instead of "think". I think it's because the former is used more. I believe that journal entries are for feelings but it's also for ideas--that's why there's an "I think" phrase. Anyway, I felt more sunny today, no pun intended with the really hot day. But I feel relaxed and refreshed during the whole day. The only thing that worried me was my incomplete homework. I chose to not do my philosophy homework supposedly due today because I planned to do it today, but I couldn't and my homework is reflections, meaning long answers, one page or some more. I did work with my school newspaper instead since it's more urgent and important. I could do my homework for two percent grade below--so 100 to 80. By the way, I excelled in doing my homework for philosophy on the first assignment. (I am not even going to correct my grammar here). I put analysis, in-depth answers, and current examples. They were very long answers passing 5 pages. Anyway, I feel accomplished. I feel really accomplished at that time. In that same move we watched this afternoon, the whole emotional routine reminded me of some thing I actually learned in the past--the way you think is affected by your routines. If your depressed, for example, if you succumb to the depression, then you're just going to be depressed longer. You must go for new things. That's one of the messages of the story. But the main idea was that reality consists of things that we can't see and our mind reacts the way it lets us do it. The narrator constantly thought about her past and it was really bad how it affected her. When she was asked to go to a wedding, she was reminded of her wedding, her divorce, her husband cheating on her. Finally someone sees her and makes connection with her and they both do the things a couple use to do at receptions--get drunk. The next day, the narrator finds herself breaking down, hating herself to a degree that the peptides in her mind were actually rearranging themselves and letting her create a new self. One creates his or her own reality is also a  message of the film. Anyway, this is a stream of consciousness and this is actually my journal for tonight. My family is here now from a Labor Day feast just near our house. So I guess I'm going out now. Good night! And good luck reading this because you really don't want to. But read anyway.