Stream of Consciousness

Hi. I was just listening to "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. I clicked on a video of it because it was feature in a video of a friend. I have had actually bad days. And I've been having the most bad days so far in school. My grades are not that bad as last two years' but I feel kind of different--I feel that everyday is just a bad day; I feel I need to do more. I feel. I don't know what I even feel, to be honest. And I try, I do try. This afternoon we were watching a film about quantum physics in philosophy class, pertaining to Democritus' atomistic theory.I kinda feel that it was  a mistake taking that class because my goal of taking that class is to freely explore and express myself in a way that will make me different and encourage me to be different. I feel that I'm really a Cancer now, although I don't believe much in horoscopes yet I know a lot about them, because I feel--I don't think. In my journal entries, I often use "feel" instead of "think". I think it's because the former is used more. I believe that journal entries are for feelings but it's also for ideas--that's why there's an "I think" phrase. Anyway, I felt more sunny today, no pun intended with the really hot day. But I feel relaxed and refreshed during the whole day. The only thing that worried me was my incomplete homework. I chose to not do my philosophy homework supposedly due today because I planned to do it today, but I couldn't and my homework is reflections, meaning long answers, one page or some more. I did work with my school newspaper instead since it's more urgent and important. I could do my homework for two percent grade below--so 100 to 80. By the way, I excelled in doing my homework for philosophy on the first assignment. (I am not even going to correct my grammar here). I put analysis, in-depth answers, and current examples. They were very long answers passing 5 pages. Anyway, I feel accomplished. I feel really accomplished at that time. In that same move we watched this afternoon, the whole emotional routine reminded me of some thing I actually learned in the past--the way you think is affected by your routines. If your depressed, for example, if you succumb to the depression, then you're just going to be depressed longer. You must go for new things. That's one of the messages of the story. But the main idea was that reality consists of things that we can't see and our mind reacts the way it lets us do it. The narrator constantly thought about her past and it was really bad how it affected her. When she was asked to go to a wedding, she was reminded of her wedding, her divorce, her husband cheating on her. Finally someone sees her and makes connection with her and they both do the things a couple use to do at receptions--get drunk. The next day, the narrator finds herself breaking down, hating herself to a degree that the peptides in her mind were actually rearranging themselves and letting her create a new self. One creates his or her own reality is also a  message of the film. Anyway, this is a stream of consciousness and this is actually my journal for tonight. My family is here now from a Labor Day feast just near our house. So I guess I'm going out now. Good night! And good luck reading this because you really don't want to. But read anyway.

What I would like to do write now instead of blogging

As a blogger and you my audience, I feel I have an obligation to write for you and not leave you just hanging and waiting around.

I have not written for awhile, here and as well as in my journal. But I am actually writing. I have a News Production class this year, which produces our school newspaper, and my article is now published on the school website. It is a lot of responsibility to maintain writing when you are already writing.  (I call research part of the writing).

Anyway, as I said I feel really obliged to write right now. But I didn't really like to write but I am going to, nevertheless.

The days have really gone fast. I don't even remember what I did last Monday. Here's what I would like to do right now:

1. take a shower
2. eat breakfast
3. do my homework (algebra, philosophy, chemistry!)
4. edit articles
5. read Naked Economics
6. later, sleep well

So, that's what I'd like to do write now. Let me go take my shower.

Tissue paper

While there are things that should never be revealed publicly, there should also be some things that people might have to know to know someone more. Personally, it is true.

Tonight, I have a sleepover with the BLD youth. One of the features of the bondings and reunions are games. One of those games we just played, and the first one, was involved with tissue paper. In each square of tissue paper we get, we reveal something of ourselves. Here's mine:

• I do a lot of computer work, but I am not really passionate about them.
• I like to write.
• I have a 3.63 GPA so far--yeah, not that smart.
• I am a conservative democratic. (word arrangement is weird, I know).
• My favorite subject in school is Social Studies/ History.
• I would like to live in big cities, like New York.
• I like singing. (I changed it though to something I forgot already).

And most revealing of all: 

• Sometimes, I wish I had a brother.

 It was hard to present it at first, but revealing it was kind of fun.

What's your revelation?

Someday, I will travel the world

I have a secret: I want to travel the world, live in each country, experience different cultures, learn languages, and eat indigenous foods. If I was granted one wish by some genie, I would just wish that. It does sound like having a million dollars, but it is only once in a lifetime that you can really travel the world.

First August Weekend

I am a bad decision-maker.  I have encountered a lot of situations wherein I made bad decisions and had second thoughts -- including in tests and deciding to go somewhere. This weekend I realized that one of the things one must do "to have a life" is to take advantage of the opportunities that's in front of him (or her).

On Saturday, I attended a picnic, where I met some of my friend again after months. It was a refreshing moment, and thankfully, it was not very hot. I went, but at first feeling terrified and regretful of the decision (I planned to go, but I only confirmed it when I woke up that day). It's a terrible feeling to have, especially if you have known these people yet you couldn't manage to make a conversation with them. But I got warmed up a little and started to have fun.

Yesterday was a little different: my dilemma was whether to go with my family to Indianapolis to pick up my sister, who was staying with an aunt who apparently she has gotten fond of. To be honest, I don't really like traveling with my family; I'd rather be alone. However I feel shy to go to places like in the mall or store, etc. But I haven't been really outside for awhile, so I guessed this weekend was the best time to have a break from home. We only visited Children's Museum and my aunt's apartment, and ate at Denny's and at a Chinese restaurant. That took the whole day, but it was worth it.

One of the great benefits of this weekend was the minimal usage of technology, which was great for me. Self-control, Josh, I would say whenever I have been online for awhile, but I couldn't control myself--something I have to improve. I also didn't feel like blogging all of these; I feel really lazy, and I don't know what to say. I still feel obligated to do so, though.

That's all for now.

Cheers and enjoy your life,
Josh

P.S. Please follow on Twitter, "chat" with me if you know French because I will be speaking French all week and I need someone to talk. (See sidebar)

8.5.11 - TGIF

Personally, TGIF. At least I Thanked God It was Friday. I did not post something this Friday because I did not really have anything in mind to post. I am just glad it was Friday. I woke up at one in the afternoon, and it was okay because there was nothing to do. Just sitting on my chair, drinking tea, watching Annoying Orange and last Thursday night's Wilfred and Futurama episodes, and eat. There is something that I have been thinking, though, that could get me out of this boring dilemma, something that will just clench my brain and get on my nerves, something that will be phenomenal, probably. It's just an idea, though, and I am still planning. I actually feel ashamed of not doing this blog before the end of the day while promising to do so. It's kind of complicated, something that was born with me, I hope not. On the other hand, I am excited and terrified for today. Today, I am excited because I am going to a picnic with my fellow Filipino friends. At the same time I am terrified because (1) I am not good at communication skills, therefore (2) there might be an long awkward pause when I will be asked about my summer, and (3) I have got nothing to talk about! I have been in this situation a few times, and I am no good at it. I never learn from my mistakes; I just smile at them.

8.4.11: Annoyingly Bored

My summer vacation has been okay, I guess. It's great to see the sun after long months, to stay at home everyday except on Sundays, and to do anything I want. And it's pretty awesome, too, that I am blogging again. Actually, I am going to start blogging everyday, starting today; I will try my best to do that.

By the way, I deleted the SWTS posts because the pictures are already broken. I don't know why it did that, but the pictures are actually from my Google documents. [Yup, it was pre-made].

Yesterday, I launched a blog called "To Know to be Known," which contains news, reviews, life tips, etc. Check it out. I will be posting only when there is something worthwhile that should be known.

What I have been doing all summer, actually, is staying at home, watching Youtube videos (yay for Comic Con and Vidcon, where everybody who doesn't have life go!), eat, and sleep. That's it, something I know most teens like me do. 

Notes to self:

1. Summer is not always fun like what you watch on TV or see on websites.
2. Summer is about being lazy
3. You still have to do some work--or find a job, otherwise.
4. You should not go to websites that especially sell clothes. They post pictures to make you think that "hmmmm... I should do this, go to the beach with my friends and have some drinks" but realize that you don't really have friends and that  they're doing their own things, which brings me to my next point:
5. All of your friends, if you have one, are probably doing the same as what you are doing right now.
6. And: you can still hang out with your friends, probably just doing a collective thing of what you are doing right now. It's useless.

After a while, you will want to go back to school, have homework, "meet new friends," and "learn some things."

And, yes, I am waiting, too.